Celebrating An Arrangement By Adding Leffe To A Tub

Tom purchased the Leffe in advance. I paid for my share in cash and he made change by purchasing a bottle of port, as is traditional in these situations. Plus I got to drink the port. Sucker.

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We entered the house, after a brisk walk sharing port and discussing the trade situation in South Korea. It's just awkward for them. Alex A was there, reclining and observing a talkie: Buffy Season 40. I can't believe this show has made it this far without resorting to constant nudity or midget guest stars. While this is an achievement, I suppose, it's a rather depressing one.

As Guest Brewer, I was assigned to Phase One of our complex brewing procedure: tub cleaning. This involved rinsing the tub to remove the dregs of a previous batch of beer. This set the tone for a stylish evening. This operation was conducted in the bath, once various wet clothing and towels were removed from said bath. I set about the tub with a vigorous scrubbing action (fear not, Gentle Reader; I keep my pants on in this version) and soon had the majority of brown goo transposed from beertub to bathtub. Post goo transposal, Tom provided me with a squirty dealie filled with what he assured me was sanitiser. Enough cleanliness to disinfect Uruguay. As it smelt and looked exactly like water, I may or may not have been had.

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Enough grunt work! With Phase One successfully completed and the tub sparkling with all the sterilising water I'd sprayed into it, I wanted to brew! I wanted to perform complex recipe type actions, to meld instinct and instructions in a dizzying panoply of daring brew. I thought we would touch the very gods of inventiveness.

Turns out that brewing is mostly adding ingredients to a tub and stirring. Lots of stirring.

We cracked open the first tin. I had actually been expecting a powder. Instead I was greeted with a substance resembling taffy. It was then we had an inspiration. It struck us with the force of a sledgehammer gracefully mowing down a baby chicken. (Chooken? Chick?) Check it. Tom and I would open a toffee store. RedGove's Insatiable Beery Toffee.

Eleven sticky minutes later, Tom and I resumed making the Leffe.

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There's not much more to tell. Um. Phase Three! We put the lid on. Tom put a water dealie in the top after turning it over a few times. This was the first thing we'd done that looked vaguely scientific, so I enjoyed it. Buffy fought some underground tree monsters with her sister. They won

We named it Tom & Marc's Haughty Naughty. Mostly because it's fun to say and in a moment of weakness the rhyme...she swayed me.

After the naming ceremony, the Bros. Hebrew gave me another brew to taste. I forget which one, but it tasted like nothing. Like, it was so flavourless, so barely there, that you could use it to drown an enemy, as they would be unable to tell the difference between drinking this beer and breathing. Still, upon making this observation, I was assured that there was alcohol in it, so a beer that's as easy to drink as breathing and still full strength is a result.

That's our courageous story.